heart of greed [episode 29]

“Seung Joi Sum, up until today, we’ve dated for just about one and a half years. Even though one and a half is really short, but in my life it has left me the deepest impression. I will never forget the one and half years I’ve spent with you. I’m not asking for your forgiveness because I know I don’t have the right to. I just want to be honest with you. I know that being honest can’t make up for the hurt I’ve caused you but this is the only thing I can do.
Seung Joi Sum, do you remember the time we played beach volleyball, how you made me the crab for midnight snack and being with me tackling challenges. Every moment were really sweet. But I don’t know why, we’d always argue. Every time after we argued, I’d go back home, thinking back to your crying face and I’d say to myself “Alfred, why did you throw such a tantrum? Why can’t you let her have her way? Why can’t you care about her feelings?‘ But I don’t know why, the next time I’d see you, I’d do the same and we’d argue all over. Maybe I wanted you to understand me more. I really wanted to persuade you.
Do you still remember the time I lost in Court? I told you not to come and see me when I was in court, but at the end , you did and it made me really upset. At this time, I met another girl. Her personality is really different to yours. She never argued with me. She also didn’t mind that I had a girlfriend. When I’m with her, I don’t feel any pressure. I really enjoy this feeling, it feels really thrilling. I know I was playing with fire, but I didn’t want to give up on this feeling. People must experience it for themselves, before they how they really feel in the inside. That day, you suddenly took out the evidence/bill. I was really scared… I realised my hands couldn’t stop trembling. I’m scared I’d let you see, so I put my hands into my pocket. At that moment, I realised I was actually really scared of losing you, losing ‘Seung Joi Sum’. This would be my biggest regret in my life…and I can never make up for the injury I’ve caused.
Seung Joi Sum, I know that this had made you shed lots of tears. I really hate myself for always making you cry. Other than being honest, if there’s anything else that can do ..no matter what is it, I’m willing to do it.”

[the email from alfred(raymond) to sheung joi sum(linda) in heart of greed episode 29]